Guidelines For Holy Matrimony

For any man and woman planning a life together as a married couple, the wedding preparations and ceremony are part of a very significant time in their lives. The guidelines set forth here are intended to be both informative and an assurance that your special day will be carried out with reverence and care.

In the Episcopal Church, a wedding is a sacramental rite, a service in which the words and outwardly visible actions convey inward and spiritual meanings and happenings. The opening lines of the Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage from the Book of Common Prayer define marriage as a “solemn and public covenant between a man and a woman in the presence of God.” The marriage “signifies to us the mystery of the union between Christ and his Church.” (pp.422-423). The canons of the Church state that “Holy Matrimony is entered into within the community of faith.” Therefore, the celebration is held in the parish church, normally with the parish clergy officiating, after all the requirements of the Episcopal Church, the Book of Common Prayer, and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts are satisfied.

Since marriage in the church takes place within the context of the whole Christian life, at least one party of the parties intending to be married must be a baptized Christian and be an active member of this parish. The couple will be expected to attend church here on Sundays regularly both before and after the wedding, so that the couple has the opportunity to become familiar with the church’s doctrine and worship and to be supported by this community of prayer and witness. In some cases and at the discretion of the officiating priest, this expectation may be negotiated, as long as the couple provides evidence of their ongoing participation in an Episcopal Church. Both of you must intend to stay married for life. If you have any questions about your ability to meet these requirements, the priest will be happy to assist you in discerning whether or not you wish to make these solemn vows.

The first step in preparing for marriage in the Episcopal Church is to contact the priest. An initial interview may be arranged through the parish secretary, but final plans, dates and times for the rehearsal and wedding cannot be confirmed without the approval of the Rector of Grace Church or the Associate Rector. At least 60 days notice is required, except in cases where one or both parties have been previously married, which requires advance notice of at least five months. Please keep in mind that weddings will not be performed during the season of Lent, from Ash Wednesday until Easter Sunday.

Couples can expect a minimum of three one-hour pre-marital counseling sessions with the officiating priest. In some cases, a referral to other competent professionals may be in order. In the case of remarriage of one or both parties, the priest is required by church canon to obtain the consent of the bishop before performing the ceremony. Please note that this is not an “automatic” consent and may require more extensive work beforehand. Divorced persons will also be expected to provide evidence that the former marriage has been dissolved by a civil court, and that appropriate measures have been taken to provide for the welfare of children and any other persons previously involved. Normally re-marriage will not occur until at least one year has elapsed since the separation or divorce. Please be aware that the priest may decline to solemnize any marriage if issues or facts are discovered during the pre-marital sessions that would indicate reasons why the couple “may not be united in marriage lawfully, and in accordance with God’s Word.” (Book of Common Prayer, p. 424.)

Since the wedding is a regular worship service of the Church, the priest will be in charge of all the details of the ceremony itself, in consultation with the bride and the groom. Wedding directors may be used for planning the reception and other aspects but will have no involvement with the liturgy itself. The Marriage Rite is found in the Book of Common Prayer. The priest will assist the couple in deciding whether or not the Holy Eucharist will be celebrated as part of the service.

MUSIC for the liturgy needs to be in keeping with the dignity and solemnity of the services of the Episcopal Church. Classical music and hymns from the Hymnal are most appropriate. The music director or organist of Grace Church will meet with the couple to assist with choosing music and ordinarily will be the organist at the ceremony. Questions about music will ultimately be resolved by the priest. If special arrangements are to be made for soloists or instruments in addition to the church organ, they must be made in consultation with the organist and be in place well in advance.

A WEDDING REHEARSAL that includes all the parties involved in the liturgy is required. If the couple wishes to have friends and relatives read lessons, to have other Christian ministers participate in the liturgy, this must be cleared well in advance with the priest, and they should be prepared by the time of the rehearsal. It is not necessary or expected that you invite the priest to the rehearsal party or wedding reception.

ALL ARRANGEMENTS FOR FLOWERS should be made through the church office. Normally one or two arrangements will suffice. If the wedding is held during Christmastide or Eastertide when the Church is already decorated, a donation to the flower fund is appropriate. Flowers for the bridal party are the sole responsibility of the bride and groom.

PHOTOGRAPHS DURING THE CEREMONY can be taken by one photographer. This photographer will need to make arrangements with the priest for positioning that will not be obtrusive or in anyway disruptive to the liturgy. In order to preserve the dignity and reverence of the service, no flash pictures will be allowed. Please make it clear to your wedding guests that they should refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony. The priest will be happy to recreate moments or pose with you after the service is over.

RICE, BIRDSEED, CONFETTI, etc. pose a safety hazard for the bridal party and guests. Please notify your guests in advance that such items are not to be thrown in the Church building or on Church property.

FEES for weddings are ultimately the responsibility of the bride and groom. They may be paid in advance but not later than the day of rehearsal. Flowers for the Altar normally cost $100. The Organist’s fee, set by the American Guild of Organists, is $250. Other fees may be involved if there are other musicians involved. Fees for the use of the Church, Altar Guild, and Sexton are $200. If the couple is a member of Grace Church, a contribution to the Rector’s Discretionary Fund is appropriate. If the couple is not a member of Grace Church, the priest’s fee is $250.00.

PLEASE REMEMBER that the couple is required to obtain a marriage license in any town in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Your license absolutely must be presented to the priest no later than the wedding rehearsal. After the ceremony the priest will sign and convey the license to the town in which it was issued.

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